1. Admit when you have a problem. A good sign is when you read the DirectTv description, something like, "Benson may be the next target of a man with a history of raping powerful women" and you know exactly what happens.
2. Delete season passes to SVU and vanilla Law and Order, on NBC, TNT, and USA.
3. Replace your Benson and Stabler screen saver with a picture of people you actually know.
4. Do not start watching other crime shows, such as "The First 48", "Rookies" or even "Miami Vice".
5. Join a photography class. Or start doing yoga. Anything to fill up the extra 5 hours you'll enjoy daily.
6. Do not go on any dates with cops or lawyers or let anyone in your family do so.
7. Follow all laws! Do not run the risk of coming face to face with a real life cop. You will fall off the wagon.
8. TiVo lighthearted shows like "Will and Grace".
9. Do not visit New York City.
10. Cancel your Internet.
Showing posts with label law. Show all posts
Showing posts with label law. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Rape Deterrents
Due to my constant consumption of Law and Order:Special Victim Unit, I am constantly afraid of being raped. I don't wear dresses downtown (access is too easy) and I never wear heels to a place I can't valet (in case I need to run). If I'm ever caught by a rapist, here are some things I thought I could say to get me out of that pickle.
-- I have an unrealistic sense of strength. Although I probably won’t be able to overpower you, you will suffer from extreme bruising from my gangly kicking.
-- Although my vagina tastes sweet like a honeysuckle (not a deterrent, but the truth), inside it bears a new rape deterrent. It’s essentially a female condom with spikes in it. I wear it every day because quite frankly I don’t know how to get it out.
-- Dude, not cool.
-- (say in an Italian accent) Why you do this to your mother? (this would trick them into momentarily thinking they are raping their mother)
-- I have an unrealistic sense of strength. Although I probably won’t be able to overpower you, you will suffer from extreme bruising from my gangly kicking.
-- Although my vagina tastes sweet like a honeysuckle (not a deterrent, but the truth), inside it bears a new rape deterrent. It’s essentially a female condom with spikes in it. I wear it every day because quite frankly I don’t know how to get it out.
-- Dude, not cool.
-- (say in an Italian accent) Why you do this to your mother? (this would trick them into momentarily thinking they are raping their mother)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Law and Order: The Video Game
Why does Law and Order have a video Game? Dick Wolf is out of control! It's not even good, it's like an afterthought of a revenue stream. It's a video game for adults who are not into video games, so I can't imagine it's causing fights at Game Stop. It's so slow. Open this locker, oh there's a sock in it, better put it in your evidence bag,then push the B button for a wise crack like "Too bad this guy got socked in the face" or something else terrible.
Yeah, I played the demo for an hour.
Which is appropriate since that's the running time for Law and Order.
Yeah, I played the demo for an hour.
Which is appropriate since that's the running time for Law and Order.
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