Tile Installation? (Funny or Die Blog #2)

I have linoleum in my kitchen and I just came into some money, so I was thinking about putting in some tile. I honestly don't know where to start. Should I hire a contractor from a tile store or should I hire someone from Home Depot who obviously needs the job? Those poor day laborers stand out there all day waiting for work with no guarantees. It's really the least I could do. But at the same time I need someone who is skilled at installation to insure a proper job. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, sometimes cooking but mostly it's what I call my "cry zone". The kitchen is the best place for total meltdowns because it's wide open for when you really need to swing your arms but when you don't to actually break anything, the floor is usually cold, which helps for when I get super hot from crying violently, and the bonus of it all, when you're all done and you think you can finally go to bed or to work or just to the grocery store, the mascara lipstick and tears wipe up really easy with a damp paper towel. One thing's for sure about this renovation, I am definitely leaning towards ceramics or porcelain.