Monday, July 20, 2009

Tips for staying thin

It's not fair that I keep my staying thin secrets to myself, so here they are:

#1 Mental blocking

If you tell yourself you're not hungry, or better yet, have someone close to you tell you you shouldn't be eating something, you'll really be surprised how quickly you can shed some pounds.

#2 Self hatred

Stand naked in the Equinox West Hollywood locker rooms and constantly compare your butt, boobs and stomach to ladies who are genetically superior to you. Be inconspicuous though. You may accidentally find yourself in an awkward naked lesbian situation.

#3 Choice is the enemy

If you don't buy cookies for your house, you won't eat cookies in your house. Plain and simple. When you want a cookie, get upset and cry about your lack of cookies, then once that's over, chill out with some sweet ass unsalted almonds.

#4 Pills

Do drugs that don't make you hungry.

1 comment:

  1. This is awesome...I think your tips will add to my nutrition plan...taco bell number 6 on a friday night...and an oreo twisted frosty from Wendy's for desert...