Rotten Tomatoes Review - The Proposal

Ahoy!

This is the photo I took while trying to take a photo of a guy with a parrot on his shoulder while I was driving.

From Gibblertron Blog Photos

Oh no J Depp!

Look what this building did to Johnny Depp's beautiful face:

From Gibblertron Blog Photos

I love sleep

In the morning, when the alarm clock wakes me up, I curse it. Not like in my head, out loud. Cursing, raging, screaming “Why is this happening to me?”. Getting up in the morning is like having a cupcake ripped out of my mouth and having acid poured in its place. It’s awful. You know why? Cause sleep is brilliant.

I have anxiety attacks every night before I go to sleep. They’re vague anxiety attacks, mostly about dying and someone breaking in or not setting my alarm and not waking up on time for something. These anxiety attacks keep me up for an hour past the moment I lay my head on the pillow. So when I get to sleep, I am so happy. I think. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m happy. If sleep weren’t so enjoyable, why else would my body and mind react so violently to waking up? I mean, there’s no other explanation other than sleep is the most awesome thing ever invented by God. Other than the Internet, which, let’s face it, is pretty great.

Groceeerrrryyy Shoppiiiiing

I made this with Jason Axinn.

I hate Pizza

There I said it! It feels so nice to get it out there. I. Hate. Pizza.

Yeah, that’s right, besides flags, I hate the other thing that American’s most love. Pizza is gross. It’s cheese and bread and symbolizes the only two things that are wrong with this country:

Lack of self control – You think you should be able to eat pizza whenever you want? Wrong! It’s a food item that is designed to destroy you. First, with it’s power packed carbs and secondly with it’s artery blocking greasy cheese. The same reason people eat pizza is the same reason people buy Hummers. Cause they wannna!!!

Bargains – Bargains are 99% of the time the wrong choice for you. The same reason you shouldn’t buy an ugly shirt because it’s on sale is the same reason you shouldn’t eat a whole slice of pizza cause it’s cheap. The shirt you’ll just keep in the closet and the pizza you’ll poop out over the course of the entire next day, in soft, cat poop like skinny stringy bowl movements.

I hate pizza and I hate America

*** Please note, because of my lactose intolerance I am apt to hate on things because my body simply cannot digest them. I wish I could eat pizza, but I can’t (see the section about soft cat poop). So instead, I will attack the people who can and pizza itself. Thank you.

I love secrets

Secrets are fun because they are just for you! Like when you cheat on a person who you took a vow in front of a signifigant number of family members to honor and respect and love for the rest of your. But after you got married that person somehow became your gay best friend, and you both get that he’s gay, but no one is calling out the elephant in the room. So you’re still having somewhat enjoyable, albeit infrequent sex, because you care for each other. A level of care that allows both of you to have an orgasm. Then one day, you talk about what would happen if one of you cheated and your husband gets really upset and starts crying, because the thought of you with another man rips him up inside. Even though the thought of him with another man ripping him up inside seems right. So you’re blind sighted by this because you already started sleeping with a guy you are having really great sex with. It’s a relationship that allows you to have everything you want – a best friend to raise kids with and an awesome sex life. Because you don’t want to marry the dude who you are fucking, cause even though he’s this really sexy kind of nerd hot, you know the kind, Oliver Peoples glasses, skinny arms, face like Harry Potter but more chiseled, wears lilac American Apparel underwear that are three degrees away from being ladies panties, which is pretty sexy. You don’t want to marry that guy cause he writes poetry everywhere on his Facebook, even in the high school name field and is always sending you love songs with a stupid “Spanish Guitar Ballad” app and you can’t deal with that long term. But the guy who you’re married to is also hot, hot in a gay way, cause he is gay, but he loves Lost and wears Calvin Klein boxer briefs and hates fantasy fiction and loves clean countertops and loves kids and you and gets that when you tell him a stupid joke you know it’s stupid, and he laughs cause he totally gets why you’re saying it. And you love him and he loves you. But you can’t hurt him. So you have to keep your secret. Forever.